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An exploration of the mind of the tortured artist. Or, you know, anyone at all.

lyrics

No And Yes
(Tollain)

No, you're not wrong
I've been hiding out here for too long
I should come back and join all the people who've come here for me

Yes, I'm all right
Just got tired of the noise and the light
And I needed to find somewhere quiet where I could just be

No, I'm not ill
If I were I could just take a pill
But there's no medication to cure a disease of the soul
Yes, yes I've tried
To get free from this prison inside
But the guards can't be bribed and they just shove me back in the hole

There's a wonderful world just outside of my skin
And if I could get out I would love to get in
If I had any choice this is nowhere that I'd choose to stay
And you all want to help me, you've made that quite clear
You'll never desert me, you'll always be here
But sometimes I wish you would all just get out of my way.

No, I'm not mad
And it's not that I'm "just a bit sad"
It just takes so much effort to see you or hear you at all.
Yes, it is hard
When the doors are all bolted and barred
And the windows look out on the endless expanse of the wall.

No, I'm not proud
That I can't be at home in a crowd
I don't like being special, in fact it's a bit of a strain
Yes, I do know
People love me wherever I go
But there's one who just won't be convinced that I'm worth all this pain

There are wonderful people just waiting their chance
To welcome me into the great human dance
And they can't understand why I'm still sitting still in my chair.
But the chasm between is infinity deep
And the dream of my freedom just troubles my sleep.
So sometimes I can't help but wish there were nobody there.

I say No, I say Yes,
But the feeling behind them you never will guess
It is here, it is real,
And you never could handle the truth of the way that I feel...

(instrumental - chorus)

No, I won't leave,
That's a promise that you can believe.
I have too much to do and to say to give up on the game.
Yes, I love you.
Of all things you must know that that's true
But I dare not deny I have negative thoughts all the same.

It's a wonderful life that I still long to share
And I still hope for that, I still dream, I still care,
And the brightest, most beautiful part of my dreaming is you.
I will always have days when I wish I were dead
That's just part of the circus that runs through my head
But I'm thankful each day for the friendship that carries me through,
And I'm thankful each day that not all of my wishes come true.

credits

from Return To Argenthome - The Rough Cuts, released November 29, 2018
Lyrics, tune, synth programming and vocals by Zander Nyrond.

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Zanda Myrande image

Zanda Myrande Westbury, UK

Zanda Myrande is still recovering from the trauma of being Zander Nyrond for several decades. She has only come out online at this point, for reasons which may be apparent from the picture above, but she proudly embraces her trans identity while still giving house room to Zander and the rest of the deadbeats who populate her head.

Lives in Wiltshire and has better friends than she deserves. ... more

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